letting go is hard to do

I am human. I know I know you are shocked by that lol. We are all flawed and I am no exception to the rule. There has always been something I’ve never been good at… Loss! This issue of course stems from childhood trauma that I have not yet worked through. I have an irrational fear of losing people I care about, whether it’s from death or ending a relationship or friendship. Now because of this fear I tend to hold onto people who are not good for me because I don’t want to lose them. I try to fix relationships that are already broken. Ones that can not and will not be mended. This causes so much pain it’s almost unbearable! Letting go is not something I am good at and I envy those who can do it with their heads held high. Not only do I try to keep people in my life that I shouldn’t, I also am afraid of people I love passing away. Of course I know that no one wants their loved ones to leave this earth and continue their journey in another place, however most people don’t have vivid daymares about their children burning to death, and yes I actually experience this… almost nightly. This doesn’t mean that I can avoid these things. Yes I have lost people to death and yes I have lost friendships to differences but I don’t handle it well at all. Why do I allow someone to have that much power to affect me? Maybe it’s because I give so much of myself to people that when they are gone I feel like that’s another piece of me I’ll never get back. Maybe I feel as if they stole something that belongs to me. Something that they should never have had in the first place. At some point I only have myself to blame right? Although I can honestly say it’s better than never letting anyone in. Sure I have a hard time letting go but at least I still let people in. I would never have the great friends I do now if I let my fear control me. I guess that’s the lesson here isn’t it? Don’t let whatever you fear control you! Don’t let something that scares you, stop you from having a normal life. I’m always working on myself and trying to be a better person not only for myself but my children so that they know what a good person looks like and how they should behave as good people. I’ll say it here so that I can be held accountable. I promise myself that from now on I work on letting go. I work on letting bad relationships go when need be and knowing when enough is enough. Working on yourself is never easy. There will be lessons learned and tears shed. There will be times of hardship but also times of growth and laughter. If you are reading this and can relate, maybe not to this but something that troubles you, my hope for you is that you stay strong. You fight as hard as you need to fight so that you can be the person you want to be. YOU are worth it! Don’t you dare ever let anyone ( including yourself ) make you feel any less than what you are!